Monday, May 3, 2010

The end, so soon...

First I would like to thank you so much for providing such great resources and support through this training period. It has been a time of intense learning of the language, culture, and has given me time to ponder on what service will actually be like. I regretfully inform you that I do not want to go through with becoming a volunteer. It isn’t one specific thing that sent me to want to leave, more like a series of things. Generally, I just don’t feel like this is something that I should be doing with my life at this point in time. It is something that I would love to pursue later on in life, enchalla. I have discovered so much from my experience being here thus far, but I am ready to share my experiences with everyone back home.

I feel as if I am going down a personal path that I do not want to go down. I do not want to become bitter about the world, and I find myself becoming that way. I know that my experience is within my control and that it is very much what I make it. However, I find that much of my personal life philosophies are at odds with many of the cultural norms here. I know that we are supposed to be “agents of change”, but this is not the change that I wanted to be at odds with when I joined. Though they may seem like small problems now, I know that they would affect my service in a big way. I know that these small problems with everyday life would grow and amplify into something that I would have great trouble trying to overcome.

I know that I have let so many people down Peace Corps staff and volunteers, many people in the states, and even myself. This has not been an easy conclusion for me to come to, and I am sorry to have wasted so much time and resources on getting me to be here. I am in such gratitude for getting this brief, but nonetheless, life altering experience. I know that I did not even come close to fully enjoying the Peace Corps experience, but I still feel extremely fortunate for having been through this small part.

I know this may seem lame, as I was so excited not too long ago about starting service, I have come to realize that this is not the country for me. This was not a brash or easy decision, but one I had to think hard about. I know that it is disappointing to hear, but I have to think of my own happiness and well being.

I wish you all the best and I should be back in the States by the weekend sometime? Crazy.

1 comment:

  1. The culture is so different. Values are different. You were not a tourist. You lived there, and it gave you more insights than a casual tourist will ever experience. You needed to do what was right for you. Welcome home!

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